


Moon.

by sarajinki



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Loss, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 02:09:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18459284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarajinki/pseuds/sarajinki
Summary: Jonghyun’s life ended on Earth, but his existence goes on…. elsewhere.





	Moon.

**Author's Note:**

> One-shot I wrote for Jjong's month last year (see the challenge on rollercoasterwrite.tumblr.com). 
> 
> TW : the whole plot is based on Jjong’s death so… yeah 
> 
> Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think ^^

Every day, it’s the same thing. Jinki opens his eyes and automatically the thought hits him. Jonghyun is dead. This morning isn’t any different from the other days. He lets out a sigh as he clumsily stumbles out of bed, after giving a quick look to his alarm clock. Half the day has already gone to waste, and he is glad. The fewer waking hours his mind is offered, the better. He walks straight to his coffee machine, trying his best not to fall on his way to the kitchen. The aches in his muscles tell him how weak he has become, and part of him feels guilty for letting himself go so much.

He hasn’t been able to leave his apartment the last few weeks, just the thought of having to step into the outside world making him nauseated. The only thing he has managed to do is keep in touch with his bandmates, his brothers, and reassure them that he is doing okay. He doesn’t like lying to them, but he would hate himself even more for worrying them. He is supposed to be the big brother they can all count on, and even though he can’t physically be around them right now, he has never stopped offering them support either through phone calls or text messages. He knows that he is lacking in this role now more than ever before, but he refuses to abandon the duty just yet.

 _It’s too soon…_ The thought whirls in his mind as he pours freshly made coffee into his cup. The first few sips bring a little more life into him, but the spike rapidly falls and his head starts to feel heavy again. He closes his eyes, but that just makes it worse. His thoughts immediately pull at his heartstrings, and he finds himself holding onto the counter for support. Jinki knows what this is: he recognizes the onset of a panic attack. Luckily for him, he has gotten better and better at dealing with them. He starts deepening his breaths as he counts backwards in his head.

 _30, 29, 28, 27_ —

His routine is interrupted by an overwhelming sense of panic. Instead of feeling his airways open, he feels them constrict dangerously. This feels like nothing he has experienced before.  

 _Breathe, dammit, breathe,_ he panics, as he starts feeling shaky. By the time his surroundings become a blur, his hand is on his chest, the nails of his fingers digging into his shirt. Jinki fights for his life, but he feels his body giving up. Porcelain shatters and then he follows, wheezing. A particularly violent shiver runs through him as a cold gust of wind swooshes into the room. Jinki would be confused if he had any mind to think, but right now his whole word has collapsed, reducing him to sensations.

The cold invades his body, making him shiver once more before he stills completely.  
  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————–--------------------  
  
Jinki’s eyes open slowly, his lids ungluing themselves from the curve of skin bordering his slanted eyes. His pupils catch waves of blue, while is eardrums tingle with the soft arrangement of flutes and bells. Jinki finds himself being entranced. He hasn’t heard anything like this before. With the blurs of blue filling his eyesight, he finds the word for it.  _Celestial_. Jinki wants to know where it’s coming from, so he tries to push himself up onto his elbows, but fails miserably. His limbs feel too heavy, and the effort makes him dizzy. His head hits the soft fabric of what he imagines to be a pillow, and once again all he sees are waves. They are dancing in front of his eyes, slowly, consistently, as if he is looking through the thick glass of an aquarium. This kind of view would normally be soothing, but he knows what’s happening right now isn’t normal. There’s no aquarium, just blurry waves of blue all around.  
  
He is utterly disoriented, and before he lets himself panic even more, he tries to catch a clear view of his surroundings. But soon enough, he realizes he can’t. His eyes just can’t focus. His heart accelerates as he becomes filled with a deadly mix of fear and despair. The music still playing in the background now seems almost frightening. He attempts to move again, but the weight of his body is still too much to bear.  
  
“It’s the frequency,” a voice says in the distance.  
  
Jinki feels all the hairs on his body rise.  _No… This can’t be… I’m dreaming…_  
  
“You’re not used to our planet’s frequency, so that’s why your body is out of whack right now. Give it a few more minutes and you should be able to see correctly and move around,” the voice continues matter-of-factly.  
  
Jinki tries to piece the words together in his mind, but all he can gather is that it’s  _his_  voice.   
  
“Jj-Jjong…?” he stutters, dubious.  
  
“Yes, it’s me, Jinki.”   
  
Jinki hears hard heels clicking on what sounds like ceramic. His heart rate picks up again. He wants to see even more now. Even if this is a dream, he wants to see his face again.  
  
Jonghyun is now only a few meters away from him. He sees the fear, the confusion and the anticipation on his face, and the sight makes his stomach churn.  _I shouldn’t have brought him here_. The thought follows him as he gets even closer. And before he can make use of his better judgment, he reaches out to touch Jinki. His hand settles on his forearm. That simple and innocent touch makes his blood run hotter through his veins. He wants to pull back, but the draw is too strong.  
  
Jinki turns his head towards the point of contact, despite being unable to see.   
  
“This feels a little too real,” he whispers, heart thrumming hard inside his chest.  
  
“Because it is real,” Jonghyun whispers back as his eyes are drawn to Jinki’s plump lips.  _Shit._  He pulls back abruptly, turning his back on the one lying down on his bed. He tries to clear his mind, using the image of a dark sky full of stars to create a visualization barrier. The sight has him smiling, feeling calmer. Visualizing space always does the trick for him.  
  
He turns back with more confidence, but his effort turns out to be in vain. His barrier fades into reality as he sees Jinki again.  
  
The brunette is now blinking at him, his stare focused and his body straightened to a seating position. He can finally see. He holds his gaze up as Jonghyun stares right back at him. Words become a strange notion to him as he takes in the other’s beauty. Jonghyun has always been beautiful, but there’s something otherworldly about him now. The face he is looking at is still the same, but the eyes he used to look into have now lost their hazelnut richness, replaced by a mesmerizing ocean blue color. The short white hair he had then is now down to his shoulders and is punctuated by a thick strand of silvery blue. Jinki’s aghast look then travels up and down his body. Its litheness is hidden under a beautifully ornamented robe that pools in ripples at his feet. Jinki almost loses himself in the shining crescents of moon on the silk fabric, but the sound of his name brings him back.  
  
“Jinki…” Jonghyun repeats, unable to form any other words. Now that he has followed through with what he has wanted ever since his return, he doesn’t know how to handle it. He is looking at a dishevelled and sleep-deprived Jinki, but it’s still a beautiful-beyond-words Jinki.  
  
“That’s it. I’ve finally lost it,” Jinki chuckles, his laughter fear-ridden.   
  
“I told you, this is real,” Jonghyun softly reiterates. He dares getting closer again when he realizes there is no other way around it. He pinches Jinki’s arm hard, watching his expression go from surprise to pain.  
  
“This is  _real_ ,” he repeats in a tone that leaves no room for argument.   
  
Jinki’s eyes widen. “But how… You’re… you’re…”  _Dead._  
  
“What you were about to say is true, but it’s only part of the story,” Jonghyun says, knowing that from that moment forward, there is no turning back. Jinki might forget this moment, but he himself never will.  
  
Jinki swallows hard against his dry throat. An overwhelming wave of anxiety makes his mind spin before it goes completely blank. Jonghyun puts a comforting hand on his forearm again as he sees him turn a few shades paler.   
  
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jonghyun expresses with gut-wrenching guilt. “I just…” He finishes his sentence with an intent, honest look.   
  
Jinki looks right back at him, waiting for more. He doesn’t want to guess; he wants to know. “Tell me,” he finally voices, as he feels Jonghyun closing off.  
  
Indeed, Jonghyun’s eyes are on him, but they are not looking at him anymore. He has brought out the dark sky full of stars again, blocking himself from his emotions.   
  
Jinki puts a hand over Jonghyun’s, but Jonghyun still doesn’t respond. Jinki starts to panic, but before he can take any action, Jonghyun comes back.  
  
“I want you to let go,” Jonghyun answers, as he takes a big step back. This time he sounds collected, neutral, which only makes his words sound that much more harsh.  
  
“What…” Jinki feels something break inside him. He knows something has just been lost. He knows the words Jonghyun had meant to say weren’t the ones that had just crossed his lips.  
  
“I want you to be happy, Jinki,” Jonghyun continues, being wary of the window of emotion he hadn’t completely closed.  
  
“How can you say that?” Jinki throws back, as he finally breaks free from his mental daze. His fingers ball up into fists, anger welling up inside him. “You’re…you’re dead,” Jinki reminds with resentment.  
  
Thanks to his visualization trick, Jonghyun is almost unmoved, but he still understands the other man’s predicament. “I know it seems to make no sense, but like I said, there is more to that story.”   
  
“No, there isn’t. I’m having a really fucking bad dream, and soon enough I will wake up and everything will be back…” Jinki feels his heart squeezing, “to normal,” he forces himself to say to save face.  
  
“Hopefully, I can help you before you have to go back,” Jonghyun informs him before he snaps his fingers.  
  
The melodious harmony of bells and flutes that had faded in the background of their conversation suddenly comes to the forefront. Jinki looks toward the sound, but he sees only a wall. His eyes search around the room, noticing how empty it is, apart from a majestic chandelier standing at the other corner of the room. Nostalgia hits him even harder as he looks at a plethora of candles, their blue flames giving the room a dreamy glow. He searches for the source of the music, but to no avail.   
  
“You won’t find what you are looking for,” Jonghyun indicates.   
  
Jinki frowns at him, irritated. All these unknowns are really starting to get on his nerves.  
  
“What  _is_  that music, anyways?” he asks, as he crosses his arms over his chest.  
  
“It’s a moon song,” Jonghyun answers, as he lightly leans against the bedpost. “I usually use this one to help me sleep me better, but I tweaked it a bit so that the sound waves have a farther reach. Every moonwalker in a 10-mile radius from here will be unable to wake up for the next hour or so.”  
  
An even deeper crease forms between Jinki’s eyebrows as Jonghyun’s explanation only makes his confusion grow.  
  
“Moon…walkers?” he echoes, uncertain.  
  
“Yes, that’s…our name.” Jonghyun looks down to his hidden feet. “You are on the moon, Jinki.”  
  
Jinki stares at him blankly, and then it hits him. Laughter shakes his shoulders before breaking free openly through his mouth. He laughs so hard he has to hold his sides, tears forming at the corner of his eyes. “This is too much,” he chuckles as he wipes off his tears.  
  
Jonghyun sighs. “Look, we don’t have much time. I know this is a lot to process, but I need you to believe me,” he pleads, as he looks into the brunette’s eyes. He can feel the window inside him opening a little more, but he lets it. Jinki needs to believe him.  
  
And the latter almost does when he takes in Jonghyun’s expression. A quiet  _Oh_ passes his lips as his laughter dies completely.   
  
“So I’m on the moon, huh?” he ponders as he looks at the sheets still covering his legs. He takes them off, deciding in that moment that if this is real, he has to make the most out of it. His legs dangle briefly over the edge of the bed before he pushes himself up. The dizziness hits him again, forcing him to still into place.  
  
“Be careful,” Jonghyun says as he catches the unease on the taller man’s face.   
  
Jinki moves again, carefully, walking straight towards Jonghyun. The walk isn’t long and a few seconds later, he is straight in front of him, only a touch way.   
  


As Jonghyun fights to keep his barrier up, he realizes how strong his feelings still are. He doesn’t want to create an even more difficult situation for them, but having Jinki standing so close to him, he can feel himself wanting to give in. His beautiful brown eyes seem to be staring into his soul, barring him from any defense he might’ve thought efficient.   
  


He is not wrong. Jinki has always been perceptive, always been aware of how people around him are feeling. And even though losing Jonghyun showed him that he hadn’t been sharp enough, this time he feels like he knows.   
  


“You seem…nervous,” Jinki pinpoints, as he slowly looks him up and down. He doesn’t miss the slight hand twitch and the slow bob of Jonghyun’s Adam’s apple in his throat as his eyes travel back up to his face.   
  


“Of course I am,” Jonghyun admits, forcing himself not to look away. “Bringing a human here is a felony, punishable with eternal imprisonment or disintegration.” His answer is truthful, but mostly convenient.   
  


Jinki’s eyes widen with surprise before they narrow into a squint. “Why would you take that risk?”  
  


“Because I was…” Jonghyun stops, embarrassed. Luckily for him, blushing isn’t a thing here. “I was watching you and…you seemed so…”   
  


“Miserable?” Jinki guesses when Jonghyun fails to finish his sentence.   
  


Jonghyun gives him a pained look as all the images of him crying his heart out, punching walls, having panic attacks and staring blankly into space all come back at once.  
  


“You looked really sad,” he simply says.   
  


“Is that so surprising?” Jinki asks. His mind doesn’t spend much time trying to figure out how Jonghyun has been able to watch him, because what he really wants to know is  _why_.  
  


“You left us, Jjong…” he reminds him.  
  


“I know. I had no choice…”   
  


“What do you mean?”  
  


“I made a deal with the elders,” Jonghyun starts, lowering his gaze to Jinki’s chest to focus his thoughts. “I wanted to live as an earthling so badly, they granted me my wish.” Jonghyun’s eyes close as he feels his heart squeeze. “Except…”  
  
Jinki waits, hooked on Jonghyun’s every word.  
  
“Except?“ he echoes, as the pause seems never ending.  
  
Jonghyun opens his eyes, looking up at the taller man again. He sees the anticipation and the confusion in his eyes, and he wishes he didn’t have to say the next words.    
  
“Except I wasn’t able to live a full human life. I was granted 10 000 days on earth before I was expected to come back home,” Jonghyun reveals. His heart weighs heavy in his chest as the words leave him, and his sorrow becomes that much greater when he sees Jinki’s expression darken.  
  
The latter stays silent a while, eyes darting left and right, his mind running with the new piece of information.  
  
“So you knew all along…” Jinki realizes. His voice is down to a whisper, but Jonghyun doesn’t miss the anger that laces his words.  
  
“No, I  _didn’t_ ,” Jonghyun immediately refutes. “All memory of my life here was erased as soon as they sent me off. I lived like a true human being until…” Jonghyun stops and looks inside himself, finding his safe space, “until a year ago,” he goes on more calmly. “The memories started to come back, and a few weeks later all the pieces of the puzzle came together. I remembered who I was, and I remembered the deal. I then had a few months left to build a path that would end with a credible departure.”  
  
Despite his efforts, Jonghyun feels the guilt growing inside of him as the other remains silent. He tries to resist with his sky and stars, but he gives up when Jinki looks into his eyes again. The dark brown eyes are shooting daggers at him, and his barrier is not powerful enough to protect him at this point.  
  
“A  _credible departure_?” Jinki repeats with spite. “You fucking  _killed_  yourself, Jonghyun. Yeah, we knew you were struggling, but when that happened, we weren’t, like,  _‘Oh yeah, this makes sense.’”_    
  
His rage makes Jonghyun want to disappear, but the moonwalker knows he deserves every bit of that rage. “It’s not like I could’ve opened up about what was really going on. It’s not like I could’ve  _told_  you what I really was,” he points out apologetically.  
  
Jinki ponders the words, empathy suddenly gnawing at his angry heart. But anger still wins.   
  
“How selfish are you?” he says. “Did you think it would just be okay to drop by for 10 000 days and then leave?” Jinki’s chest is heaving by now, his anger too great for his human body to take.   
  


Jonghyun’s mouth opens and closes, but no words come out.  
  


“You were a son, you were a brother, you were an inspiration to many, you were…” Jinki catches himself just in time, looking away as the words that were about to leave his mouth play in his mind. “You were just…fucking important, Jjong.” A sigh leaves him as his anger drops, leaving him weary. Feeling dizzy again, he steps back and leans his back on the footboard of the bed.   
  


Jonghyun bites into his now-trembling lip. He feels sadness wrap its arms around him, suffocating him. He shouldn’t be so weak. He shouldn’t still be so human.  
  


“I shouldn’t have become that known,” he says, struggling to keep himself together. He hides his hands behind his back as he feels them shaking too. “I just wanted a normal human life,” he admits as his eyes travel across the room to his chandelier.   
  


“But I guess anywhere I go, music will be my lifeline,” he reflects as he watches the blue flames dancing.   
  


Jinki’s eyes stop briefly on Jonghyun’s gorgeous profile before following his gaze to the other side of the room. They watch the flames together silently, letting their minds breathe.   
  


“Why did you bring me here?” Jinki asks quietly, leaving the comforting sight to face the oh-so-ever troubling sight of the man sharing the room with him.   
  


“I want you to stop blaming yourself for what happened,” Jonghyun answers, his eyes turning away from the captivating blue to dive into profound dark brown. “I want you to know that what happened in the end was not your fault.”  
  


Jinki feels a lump forming in his throat. His hands ball into fists as he fights not to cry. “It might not be, but…this fucking hurts,” he croaks as his throat tightens. Before he can put up more of a fight, the tears start falling and he finds himself staring into the thick glass of an aquarium again.   
  


Jonghyun rushes to him, his human instincts trampling his moonwalker stoicism. He hugs him tightly, pressing his lips against the top of his head. “I’m so sorry, Jinki.” He rocks him back and forth into his arms in a soothing manner as he releases a calming effect. They stay like that for a long time, Jinki’s sobs punctuating the silence between them as the moon song keeps on in the background. Jonghyun is now caressing his back, helping him through his pain while he tries to keep his own at bay.   
  
Jinki finally stops crying, feeling a lot more calm. He sniffs before pulling back slightly. Jonghyun’s hands immediately go up to his face, wiping his tears off gently.   
  
Jinki’s heart flutters at the soft touch. He feels better,  _much_  better. And then it hits him. “What did you do?” Jinki asks, suspicious.  
  
Jonghyun’s eyes widen. “I…”  _He shouldn’t have noticed._  “I just helped you a little,” he answers, as his fingers play with the sides of his robe.   
  
“Was that some kind of spell?” he keeps on, brow cocked.   
  
Jonghyun grimaces at the suggestion. “It’s called a transfer,” he shares, as he brings a hand to the middle of his chest. “I can conjure a feeling and transmit it to someone else,” he says simply.   
  
The other frowns before his features soften and a quiet “Oh” leaves his mouth. “So that means… You can erase pain?” he asks.   
  
Jonghyun hears the anticipation in his voice and feels his heart break some more. “I cannot. I can…” He pauses, searching for the right words. “I can dull your pain momentarily, but it doesn’t go away.”  
  
“Oh…” Jinki looks down, disappointed. And then looks up again as an idea flashes in his mind.  
  
“Could you…turn me?” The words come out shy before a soft blush colors his cheeks as he realizes what he has just asked.  
  
Jonghyun stares at him, aghast. “You mean… turn you into a moonwalker?” he verifies.   
  
Jinki nods slowly, feeling more nervous when he catches the turmoil in the other’s stunning blue eyes.  
  
“Jinki, I—”  
  
“We had no chance down there,” Jinki cuts in urgently. He sees the blond’s jaw grow tense at his words, but continues nonetheless. “So I thought… maybe here…” He lets the rest linger, focusing on the moon song to keep his nerves under control.   
  
Jonghyun sighs. He should step back, put some distance between them, but the draw is still too strong. He brings a hand up to Jinki’s face and caresses his cheek.  
  
The latter leans into his touch, closing his eyes to clear everything else. His heart jumps in his chest when soft lips meet his forehead. He laces his arms around his beloved’s tiny little waist, pulling him closer. The footboard creaks from the added weight, but that doesn’t stop him. He nuzzles his neck with his nose, inhaling his sweet scent as he grabs onto his hips even more tightly.   
  


The moonwalker bites his lip instantly to keep in any sound that might worsen the situation. His breath still hitches when Jinki goes on further with his torture. Sharp teeth dig into his pale skin, and it takes every ounce of control inside of him to keep in a moan.   
  


“Jinki…,” Jonghyun puts his hands on Jinki’s, “let go,” he orders as seriously as he can.   
  


“You can’t turn me, right?” Jinki finally voices without relinquishing his power.   
  


Jonghyun swallows painfully, the sorrow blooming again inside his body. “It’s not like we’re vampires or something… so, no, I can’t…” he admits with defeat. “If you stay here too long, every one of your senses will become void and then your body will start to decay…”   
  


“And what if you made another deal with the elders?” Jinki is desperate for a solution; he wants to keep laying eyes on the beautiful being in front of him for the rest of his life.  
  
Jonghyun blinks a few times, his mind blown by the suggestion.

  
“That… They wouldn’t…” He stops as his mind struggles to cooperate. He’s already getting images of Jinki living with him, sharing every day and night with him. He’s already getting a glimpse of their happiness together. And then he remembers everything else.   
  
“I won’t ask them,” he says categorically.  
  
Jinki frowns, instantly letting go of the other’s body. “Why?”  
  
“You said earlier that I had been selfish for making that deal, and you were right. I was selfish because I didn’t anticipate the impact it would have on the people I would leave behind. And now I don’t want you to make the same mistake,” Jonghyun says gravely. “Your brothers, your family needs you,” he reminds, watching Jinki’s expression go from indignation to consideration as the last words leave him.   
  
“They would be fine…” Jinki argues feebly, as his gaze travels down to the little space between them. A big part of him believes it, but he knows he would feel even worse if he chose his own happiness over that of his family.  
  
Jonghyun gives him a sad look that he doesn’t see. “You have always been our strength, Jinki.”  
  
Jinki scoffs. “I don’t think anyone thinks that of me anymore.”  
  
“You’d be surprised.” Jonghyun brings a hand to Jinki’s hair and kneads his fingers softly through them. “Being strong sometimes means just being there,” he points out in a voice that is as gentle as his caress.  
  
Jinki sighs, defeated. “So, what now?”   
  
Jonghyun moves his hand to cup the other’s chin, lifting his head up to meet his eyes. There is pain, there is fear in those pretty eyes. But there is also…   
  
“I love you,” the moonwalker blurts out as he is flooded by a wave of emotions. He is not left a chance to be embarrassed by his sudden outburst because Jinki replies, “I love you too.” And then he just becomes a puddle of warmth and gooey feelings.   
  
They lock eyes for a while, letting every word they wanted to say to each other seep into the shared silence. Jonghyun then takes Jinki’s hand and drags him towards his bed. “There is still some time left,” he notes, as he climbs on the mattress first. He lays on his side, propping himself up on one elbow.  
  
Jinki blinks at him, his eyes inadvertently following the slow movement of his robe falling off one of his shoulders before setting on the beautiful cascade of white hair hitting the pillow. The sight freezes him into place, all the wires in his brain short-circuiting.   
  
“Jinki…” Jonghyun calls out softly, as he tries to stay level-headed. “I want to cuddle,” he says in the quietest voice.  
  
Jinki nods slowly as the blood starts rushing back up to his brain. A few seconds later, he gets on the bed too, lying right beside the gorgeous being that puts his human self to shame. He settles on his back as Jonghyun cuddles up to him, lacing an arm around the blond when Jonghyun lets his head rest against his chest.  
  
“I needed this,” Jonghyun sighs, eyes half-closed.  
  
Jinki shifts his gaze from the ceiling towards him. “What do you mean?” he asks, intrigued.  
  
“I needed…this moment,” Jonghyun admits. “Leaving my life on Earth was really hard. And still is…” he goes on, as the words tear at his heart.  
  
Jinki feels the other’s body stiffen against his, so he hugs him tighter.  
  
“I…didn’t even think about that,” Jinki realizes with guilt.  
  
Jonghyun smiles a sad smile. “There is so much more I wish I could’ve experienced…”  
  
“You had an amazing life,” Jinki says against him.  
  
“Yes. I had an amazing family.” Images of his Earth mother, his Earth sister, his Earth puppy and finally, his Earth brothers, flash before his eyes, rendering him silent.  
  
Jinki lets the silence be, contemplating his own life as it was and how it is now.  
  
“I will forget all of this, won’t I?” he finally expresses, as the moment of his departure dawns on him.   
  
Jonghyun finally shifts to look at him. The words take some time to leave his mouth, his heart fighting with his mind not to ruin this precious moment.  
  
“Most of it. But you might relive some parts of it through your dreams for a while…” he indicates, as he tries not to lose himself into the other’s dark orbs.  
  
“Oh…” Jinki lets out, his tone seeping with disappointment.  
  
“But part of you is moonbound now, so whenever you look up to the moon, I’ll be able to help you from a distance,” Jonghyun reveals with a small smile.  
  
“You mean…like before?” Jinki asks, as the memory of his mood shift comes back to him.  
  
Jonghyun nods, his smile growing a little bit wider as he catches some relief on the brunette’s face.   
  
“Like I said, it won’t erase the pain,” he quickly reminds Jinki, “but it’ll make life more bearable.”  
  
Jinki nods to show he understands. “And what about you?” he asks, mindful of the other’s previous words.  
  
“Me?” Jonghyun picks up with surprise. The blond mulls over the thought with a long hum. “I still feel tied to my human self, so it’s still a struggle right now, but it’ll get better with time,” he reassures Jinki with a smile that hides other underlying emotions.   
  


“Do you have family here?” Jinki inquires with worry.   
  


“No, my  _manas_  died a long time ago, and I’m an only child,” Jonghyun promptly informs him.  
  


Jinki gives him a confused look. “Your what…?”   
  
“Ah sorry, I mean my parents,” Jonghyun fills in with a soft laugh.   
  


“What about friends?” Jinki goes on, a little panicked.   
  


“Aaah, friends…” Jonghyun lips curl into a pout. “I don’t really mingle with others that well…”  
  


“But…”  
  


“I’m fine, really. All I’ve ever needed here was my music,” Jonghyun interjects, wanting to erase every bit of worry inside his friend.   
  


Jinki’s ears catch the since-forgotten moon song. “It’s really beautiful,” he notes, now distracted by the melody.  
  


Jonghyun smiles. “Thank you.”  
  


The music fills the space as they focus on it, Jonghyun once again curling up into Jinki. The latter welcomes the closeness with all the fibers in his body, hoping this moment will imprint itself into him, one way or the other. Time goes by slowly, but it doesn’t seem long enough when Jonghyun finally shifts again.   
  


With one look, Jinki understands. He simply nods, feeling his heart getting heavy again.  
  


“Just close your eyes…” Jonghyun whispers, trying not to break the peace they have been bathing in.   
  


“Wait… I…” Jinki’s mind is rushing with a million thoughts, but there is only one that matters now. “We will never forget you, Jonghyun,” Jinki voices, throat tightening with emotion.   
  


Jonghyun feels his heart swell with love. “I know.” He sets his hand at the center of the brunette’s chest. “And I’ll always be with you.”   
  


Jinki catches a last look at his love before his vision blurs. The last thing he hears is the beautiful melody.  
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————---------  
  


The sun is down by the time Jinki comes back to himself. His mind slowly wakes up as he opens one eye and then the other. He realizes fast enough from the ache he suddenly feels in his back that he isn’t in his bed. He moves slowly onto his side, the shift bringing into view the white ceramic floor and the shattered cup not too far from him. A frown grows on his face as he tries to put the pieces together.  _What the…?_  His mind searches, and when it can’t find answers, fear gathers in the brunette’s stomach. Still confused, he finally pushes himself off the floor and up on his two feet. A grunt leaves him when he starts walking. He feels sore all over, which only adds to his incomprehension.   
  
_I guess I_ — The faint sound of a phone ringing pulls him out of his thoughts. He instantly wants to rush to it, but his body limits him to a fast walk. He picks up the phone just in time.   
  
“Where were you?” he hears at the other end as he sets the phone against his ear.   
  
Jinki feels anxious as he hears panic in his little brother’s voice. “I…” Jinki pauses. He has yet to figure out what happened to him. “I was…”   
  
Taemin’s sigh cuts his train of thought. “I get it. You were in your own world. But you didn’t answer all day, hyung…” he reproaches in a pouty tone.  
  
Jinki’s eyes widen. He turns towards the window in his bedroom and pushes the thick curtains open. Night has fallen.   
  
“I’m sorry, Tae…” he says with guilt. Even though, he hasn’t done it on purpose, he still doesn’t want to cause the younger one more distress. “Did something happen?” he inquires.  
  
“No… not really. Today was just…” A long pause follows Taemin’s words. “Today was just really hard,” he finally admits in a quiet voice.   
  
Jinki feels a pang in his heart. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.  
  
“No… I just… Can you just stay on the phone with me for a while?” Taemin requests, his voice thin and insecure.  
  
“Yeah, of course,” Jinki answers, with the warmth of an older brother. He swears he can feel relief wash over Taemin as silence settles between them.  
  
“Did you look at the full moon, hyung?” Taemin asks with a smile.  
  
Jinki frowns as the mention of the orb leaves him with a strange feeling. “No…”   
  
“It’s really beautiful…” Taemin notes with wonder.  
  
Jinki looks outside his window, eyes up to the sky. He sees it. The orb is shining bright and full against the dark ink of the night.   
  
“You’re right,” he agrees, as he feels himself being pulled by it. He keeps staring, his muscles relaxing as a feeling of calm washes over him.   
  
“Hyung, I’ve been thinking…” The brunette chews on his bottom lip, nervous. “I’ve been having this silly thought…”  
  
“Hmmm?” Jinki hums, curious.  
  
“I’ll tell you if you promise not to laugh,” Taemin demands.  
  
“I won’t laugh,” the older one promises.  
  
It’s a few seconds of soft breathing at the other end of the line, before Jinki gets to know what’s on Taemin’s mind.  
  
“I’ve been thinking about this more and more, but… what if Jjong is on the moon…watching over us?” he shares in confidence.  
  
Jinki ponders the thought, eyes still fixed on the circle of light in the sky.   
  
“Do you think I’m crazy?” Taemin checks, anxiety spilling into his words.  
  
“No, Tae,” Jinki instantly reassures him. A smile tugs at the corner of his lips as an image of their lost one sitting on the moon draws itself before his eyes.  
  
“Actually… I don’t think that’s crazy at all.”


End file.
